Now to Pimp Your Ride.
Exterior:
Since your '92 Tempo GL is a retired cop car, the first thing I'll do is paint it candy apple red. Red looks faster when it passes you, and cops especially look for red cars to speed more than any other car. It’s a fact. It’ll have dual black racing stripes to let everyone know you mean business. Not just plain black stripes, no no, these will be more like flames, like your car is on fire, black fire. That sounds cool. But to make it look even faster, I’ll give it a low profile, slap dual chrome exhaust pips running down the side, which flare out at the end near the rear tires. The windows, of course, will have to be tinted, so that no one can see in, giving your car an aura of mystique about it, much like yourself. The headlights and taillights will also have a custom tint, but I’ll stay away from halogen lights, because I think those are dumb.
The top will have to be cut off, because every good pimpess ride needs to be convertible. I know what your thinking, a convertible Tempo??? Yes, why not?!? This will be replaced with a black leather top, weather-proof, and supported by a titanium frame to add strength to the top. You’ll still have to be in park to bring the top up or down, but the frame will prevent against normal wear and fatiguing of the convertible.
We’ll have to do a little boring out of the engine compartment, as the GL is not really know for sporting a 302 big boy V-8, but a girl needs to get away when being followed by silly boys and their silly toys. And since silly boys drive rice rockets, the 302 should give you plenty of speed without too much drag from the weight. This will also allow you to get anywhere fast, since a girl always has places to be and people to meet.
It’ll have two batteries in the engine compartment, one for the engine, the other for the electronics. I would put the other battery in the trunk, but it’ll be full.
Speaking of which, both the hood and trunk will be remote activated, so you can just press a button and pop the top to show kids the goodies under the covers.
Pretty simple so far, but don’t read a book by its cover. Like all of us, what is on the outside doesn’t always reflect what lies inside. Thus far the outside represent someone who likes a little speed and heat, but more so appreciates an air of mystique and mystery.
Interior:
While the exterior is a reflection of how we want to be seen by others, the interior must be an expression of who we are. It’s where we spend the most time, so it should be comfortable, like a second home. So how to we blend comfort and style? With leather!
Looking to compliment the convertible top, I’ll slap shiny black leather seats in the front and back, with black fabric inlays in the seat for comfort and protection against the elements. If it’s hot out, the leather may be hot, but the fabric inlays will be just right. And not just black leather, but fuggin’ black, right? And not just a cheap leather substitute, this will be a high grade, glossy leather finish that gives both comfort and durability but also looks damn cool. The head rests will have spikes on the top, giving a punky “back-off� feel, hard exterior, soft interior still being the motif. And finally, the black leather itself will have a vines design ingrained in it. Not in color, but in shape, you’ll see the vines, but the experience will be that much better to the feel.
It would look like this, but where the grey leather is in the picture, replace with a black fabric, like a heavy 4-way stretch lycra or other absorbing material.
The rear seats are just bucket seats, but we’ll push them back a little to add more leg room for bigger passengers in your ride. This will also allow the passenger in the front seat to lean his seat back to almost a bed-like relaxation, and it can also fold forward into a compartment making plenty of room for a doggie bed for doggie. Or room for groceries or packages, since your trunk will be full.
The carpets will be colored a little closer to grey in the pictures of the seats above, this complimenting the leather seats and better bringing out the color of the blackness.
And of course, no ride is complete without a damn cool steering wheel. We’ll use a studded material much like this arm band to wrap the wheel in. It looks cool and provides a great deal of grip on the wheel in comfort in the hands.
Cool Random Electronics:
New sound system, 6 speaker set up with two speakers up front, two speakers in the back, and two speakers behind the heads of the back seats. Two 10 inch subs in the back, turned down low because nothing ruins a good song like too much bass. When you pop the trunk, the sub units will mechanically rise up, like a damn jet engine. This is also where the dual-amplifiers will be, and between the subs and the amps, your trunk is too full for anything else. But damn it sounds good. When the subs are down, the back seats will rumble just enough to let your passengers feel the music.
I’ll use a Pioneer Premier speaker system because when it comes to music in the car, I like to get a live sound, like I’m right in the middle of a concert hall rocking out to my favorite band. The Pioneer system gives just the right edge of clarity and punch to best emulate the live experience.
The CD player will be a Kenwood KNA-DV4100 system, with two DVD screens that will be installed in the head rests of the two front seats for the friends in back to watch their favorite videos and movies. The KNA-DV4100 has a built-in navigation system with a nav computer, GPS antenna, and comes with 2 map DVD’s. This will ensure that no matter where you are going, you’ll get there. The system plays all forms of media, including mp3 and wma. But just for sh*ts and giggles I’ll custom install a LaCie 500GB Big Disc Triple Interface underneath of your seat that will interface with your sound system. What does this mean? You can put up to 500 gigs of music on this drive, which is about 5,000 albums of music encoded at 320kbps (near CD perfect) so that you’ll never be without a song to listen to. And if that isn’t enough, it’ll have an XM satellite radio, so you’ll get all of the newest music without commercial interruption.
And antennas? Seriously. If you want to listen to the local stations, the low-profile antenna on your roof will give you great clarity without a damn big silver thing on your hood. This antenna will also receive cell phone signals, boosting the service you get when you are in your car. But since I hate it when people talk on the phone in their cars, you can simply plug your phone into the stereo for a hands free talking experience.
Now because your car looks fast, and cops will be on the lookout for your ride, we’ll install a phantom radar detector in the dash. The cops will never see it coming, and it can be easily hidden in the event of a raid. That’s gangsta yo.
The AC/Heater will be replaced with a Jeep coolant system, because if you’ve ever ridden in a jeep during the winter with the heat on, you’d swear you were in the desert. Duo compressed air tanks will make sure that the summer months seem like a cool fall day with the AC running.
Cameras on both the front and rear bumpers will let you see how close you are when parking, so that you never hit another car and always park between the lines.
And a stock car horn? Please. We’ll throw in a fuggin’ horn so loud that when you lay on the wheel after some asshole cut you off on the 395, your horn will blow out windows and shatter ear drums. That’ll teach that jerk to cut you off!
With all of this stuffed into one package, we want to ensure that your car is safe. So we’ll throw down with the Viper security system with voice recognition keyless entry. Better not let anyone else try to unlock your car, or the police will be automatically alerted. “Heck no you can’t borrow my car!�
This seems to be all a little overboard, but hey, a pimpstress is overboard on her bling bling. And yet as if all of that wasn’t enough, this X-to-the-Z gets to throw in a surprise. When you’re at a party and want to show off your ride, just press the T button on your remote control and watch as it comes alive. Just make sure you’re not in your car when you do it:
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(Please note that the car in this video is just a prototype and not what your car will look like when it is done. Besides, your car will be red, not silver).
So look out, you've just been pimped!