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Andrea wrote:Since It is a rule when I meet a guy I have to see how he treats his mother, so be honest and you will be rewarded for honesty as well.
If your mother begged for you to come home and live with her until you get married and you really didn't want to, what would you say to her?
Also for this last mothers day what did u do?

That's actually a tough question Andrea. As you might know my mother has passed. It's always a difficult subject because I lost everything when I lost her. She never really asked me to come live with her. By that time I was like screw this place, I've got my life to deal with. Amd when I was in Houston I was trying to do what I thought I wanted to do. But as soon as we found out my Mom was sick I was battling for 3 months coming back or trying to make it. It's pretty obvious which one I chose cuz my azz is back here. I said screw school, screw this talent scout job, and screw TX. I don't even remember how I did it but I drove back to Cali in like 2 days. I wanted to support her and the family but there was no way in hell I could do that and drive to the specialist every other day. I wanted to do this but at the same time it's like I never did enough. The day she passed I was on my way to see her. My Bro went a day ahead because I got the call from my tia that it was really bad. I had to fucking work. I know won't ever put my carrer or anything ahead of my Family and close freinds again but I live with regret. I should have fucking missed that day because when I got off I went down to visit. Allot of my family is there gathered around and I'm wondering what happened. I walk into her room and see my mom sleeping... but My bro and sis are there crying, they can't stop crying my bro even faints in the room. And me... I can't cry, I sit there with this blank look for 3 days. If you were there afterwards you probably seen or heard me just fucking loose it.

The mothers day before that. I called her the night bofore. I wanted to suprise her cause I was off for one day and after my shift I drove a few hours to the hospital. It was nice because just a week or 2 before she was really going crazy, like literally, thinking we wanted to kill her. But she was doing good she even got out and we went to dinner. Oddly enough she talked to me about things like marrige and kids. I'm 3 yrs older than my brother, so basically I got the talk. That meant I had to jump the broom first and stuff. I didn't even know my Mom wanted to be a grandmother until I saw her playing with my cousin's baby. For the past year she was kind of pushing me just to have a relationship, But I still don't really want to settle down yet. I figure when the time is right I'll give up. Get down on one knee one day and be like "shit lets get married, Here's a bigass ring." They thought it would be good for me, even my brother told me I needed that, but I never could find whatever I was looking for. At that time I was just so into myself I couldn't see the point.
Now I do, I know at the time I wasn't ready. But I wish I could have just because It really hurts me that she won't be able to see her grandkids, and her grandkids have kids. I don't know what to do if one day my child looks up to me and says, Daddy where's grandma? Where's your mommy? That might honestly tear me apart. But I when I look at an old photo of me with her and my grandparents she looked so happy. I wanted to see that look on her face with my kids.

But last Mothers day I sat alone missing mine. I gathered the courage to call my other Mom, Nancy Poulen to wish her a happy Mom's day. Also I was dating a really cute single Mom so I called her to let her know I was thinking about her. And I guess it worked out cuz she's still around. I just had to get over myself, really bad. And I had to lose it all to wake up.

But the important thing I learned was to get over myself and try to make a damn difference. I know the world sucks and everyone is selfish, but you gotta be about your family and freinds, hell real freinds are family. If you don't treat them right no matter how sucessfull or rich you are you won't ever be truly happy. You aren't anything alone in the world. And don't put something ahead of them, because when it comes down to it this material shit doesn't matter.

I'll get to Fvolfrine's "Pimp" answer in a bit, but right now Eric answer is the one that hits very close to home. I'm gonna go out on a limb and break the damn grading rules just b/c I can relate to Eric SO DAMN well on this one. Eric, although I feel that giving points for something as this is absurd, I'm gonna throw ya +100 just b/c the subject happened to land in this topic.
I feel that no one can really value life unless you have actually lost a major influencial figure in your life, such as a parent. When my father died, I carried--[and to some extent I still do]--a lot of the guilt for his passing.
My stubborn ass got into a fight w/him over spending thanksgiving w/my mom and not him. I didn't think about the fact that he would be spending the holiday alone, if he didn't go over to his sister's house. I still don't know what he did that thanksgiving, I should ask my aunt one of these days.
I was angry with my dad for using me as a pawn in between his' and my mother's divorce. I was angry with my mother for cheating on my father.--[truthfully, i've never really forgiven her for that and I think people that cheat are evil and should fucking rot, no questions asked. I don't care how "wonderful" of a person they are otherwise. They are SCUM!!!]--
In any I hadn't spoken to my father in something like 3 weeks and I was angry with him and would say very hurtful things when we did actually talk. I hate myself for those "conversations" now.
I celebrated my 15th birthday on December 8 of '99 with all my close friends. Two days later I was on the phone with a friend when she asked how me and my dad were getting along. I vividly remember saying, "I don't care if I ever see him again."
10 minutes later there was a knock on the front door. I look out the hole to see a cop and immediately panic b/c i had just ditched school the monday before.--[I was a freshman, OK? what the hell did I know?]-- I tell my friend that there was a cop at the door and I would call her back. I open the door and the female officer goes, "Are you Kera Amsterdam?"
"Yes."
"I have some bad news for you. Your father, Max, passed away last night."

My heart sunk. I couldn't cry, I couldn't do anything except ask how. She didn't know. Inside, I knew it was either a heart attack or his diabetes/insulin. I call the person whose house my mother was having lunch at and found out she had already left for home. Only, she didn't knwo anything happened yet. I was the first to find out. There was a misunderstanding between Douglas county and SLTPD and they were informed i had just turned 18, not 15. The officer gave me a big hug and stayed with me until my mom came home.
Over the next few months A LOT happend because i was trying to cope with my father's death. I clung to hope of a boy that I didn't stand a chance with--[and thank GOD that never worked out like I had wanted. The kid's an abuser now, or so I've heard]--I tried to kill myself and was hospitalized--[loony bin]--for over a week and battled anorexia the following winter.
Over time I've grown stronger and have opened up to the thought that his death wasn't my fault. But there's nothing more heart-wrenching than a loss like that. My guilt still remains and every year I do my father's Yerzeit--[a jewish tradition of honoring your passed loved ones by saying the mouner's kaddish/prayer and lighting a candle that burns for the 24 hours of that day.]--and his yerziet is a week from today. I get very melancholy, short tempered, sensitive, and reclusive during these first few days. But it doesn't last as long as it used to as years progress. I know that Andrea and Eric are the only two on this forum who actually knew my father.
So, eric gets +100 points for his post, and you can call it biased if you want, I really don't give a fuck. Shawncan bust out his moderator whip and regualte tp points that make more sense to him, i don't care, but that is where I stand on this subject. I know how hard it is to talk about a subject like this. I can relate to his letting little, unimportant shit get in the way of what is truly important, and that the friends and family who love and care about you. When I truly love someone I will drop everything for them, regardless of consiquence. If they need my help, i am there to listen, if they need a shoulder to cry on, mine is always ready. I try my hardest not to let people down and not to go back on my promises. Because i know how it feels when someone promises one thing and does another thing. I try to be the best person I can be. B/c of what i've learned from this, friends, family, promises, and loyalty are the four things in my life i stick by.

Fvolfrine +25. I liked everything BUT the studded steering wheel cover. It's not that it wouldn't look cool, but how the hell am I gonna hold it when my car has been parked in the sun? I don't wanna have to go by special gloves just to drive my car!

BigGunna +30 I liked the heartagram on the hood. A LOT. And the fact that you actually looked up a shot of my car just so everyone knows what it really looks like--[err, that's what it looked like in it's youthful days at least.]--

Shaving off emblems: +8
Redoing front grill:+10
Lights:+5
Body Kit: +10 and +5 for knowing what would fit on it
Loud Talipipe:+10 Pimpin!
+5 for pics

53 so far
+5 for black color
+5 for tint
+15 for color changing (I LOVE IT)
+5 for heartogram
-10 for doing this to another car. You're supposed to customize kera's

73 points plus..
Replace tank:+5
Springs:+5
Lights under car even though illegal: +5

Muffler:+5


Micellaneous doohickory: +5 for cool spider idea but -5 for not matching the hood design
+20 for doggie customization
+20 for dead bodies space

+5 power windows

-5 for for filling tires once a week Pfffffff

+10 for stereo system.. It's important.
+5 for not needing cd

+20 for the convertable fix because it is true my hair always gets messed and it is scary.

TOTAL PIMPIN POINTS: 168.. pays to be detailed i guess

WOW I really didn't know I was touching a sore subject with that and I am sorry to hear about your mother. I should have been more careful due to the fact that parent death isn't that uncommon. Don't blame yourself for missing her when you should have vistied. From my experience it is almost better you didn't see her suffering but at rest. I've seen my grandma dying and one of my good friends dying. Seeing someone's brain full up with blood aint no picnic and i almost wished I had just seen them after everything (like my grandpa, he was dead, i never saw him sick).. But everything deals with things differently. I am just basically trying to let you know that there is nothing you can change about the past, but you can change the way you look at it. When I think of my friend Jarrod, I try to think about all the happy times we had together. It's HARD to do that. I can't stop re-playing what happened when his tumor popped in his head. It was ugly. But we will always love these people who touched our lives and if Jarrod hasn't become Spawn yet (his favorite movie) then I am confident I will see him again someday.

Well looks like u have to get married and have kids seeing as your mom talked to you about. Don't settle until you are sure though. She'll still see her grandkids hon. She is still with you.. Seems to me you need to maybe see some counsiling. I don't know if you've ever been but dealing with death is hard. Especially a parent. and I saw how much Kera needed help when her father passed but there are positive ways to look at things so life isn't so bad.

I know the world sucks and everyone is selfish, but you gotta be about your family and freinds, hell real freinds are family.
AMEN TO THAT!

Well i am canceling my competition because it is a sore subject and i appologize again about that. I'm here for you, remember that. I am here for everyone that talks to me. You all know i care about you all so much so if you ever need to talk or get out call me and I'll drive from Sac. Death is hard to deal with so I will pray that you heal and i'll pray for your mother too (although she is in heaven, she made not need it

dementiastar wrote:Over time I've grown stronger and have opened up to the thought that his death wasn't my fault. So, eric gets +100 points for his post, and you can call it biased if you want, I really don't give a fuck. Shawncan bust out his moderator whip and regualte tp points that make more sense to him, i don't care, but that is where I stand on this subject. I know how hard it is to talk about a subject like this. I can relate to his letting little, unimportant shit get in the way of what is truly important, and that the friends and family who love and care about you. When I truly love someone I will drop everything for them, regardless of consiquence. If they need my help, i am there to listen, if they need a shoulder to cry on, mine is always ready. I try my hardest not to let people down and not to go back on my promises. Because i know how it feels when someone promises one thing and does another thing. I try to be the best person I can be. B/c of what i've learned from this, friends, family, promises, and loyalty are the four things in my life i stick by.

Dam girl. You have some powerful words. All i want to disclose to both of you (Eric and Kera) is that I am here for you both. I may not be able to understand parent death but I understand the pain of it. Jarrod was different because he was so young and I didn't even see it coming. I knew he had cancer but even when he was talking crazy as his brain was dying he still made me laugh and that made me think he was going to be okay. I never said goodbye to him because I believed that Jarrod would make it. I have never dealt with something like that before. I mean grandparents, i know eventually need to stop feeling pain because they are old but i needed to realize that Jarrod was in pain too. Whether he said it or not. Anywayz back to my closing message. If you want to continue this competition then i am with kera +100 for eric having to deal with what he deals with. I pray for both of you and I am always here.

Thanks Andrea that means allot to us. So like what the hell happened to everyone?

Yeah I Know everyone stopped competing. They arn't even any new posts either.. Oh well

Its really just following a trend. You see when Shawn leaves town and heads up to Tahoe the forums just die for some reason. Upon his return they then somehow come back to life. So Shawn returns to So Cal Thursday so which for a revival over the weekend.

Yeah, Maud's correct, there is a typical trend and over the year there is also a trend. The board fluxes up and down with different things. No one has anything to say, and a bunch of people see no new posts in a week and get bored and don't participate or check back for months.

I tried to revitalize my board by doing the interrogation forum, and for a while it worked, but eventually went dormant again. Really what we need is about 25 people that post regularly and this forum would boom huge.

Right now we have about 5 or so people that try to keep the forums active, but 5 isn't enough. So... I dunno. /shrug

I'm hoping that when phpBB 3.0.x comes out (previously known as 2.2.x) that things will be able to start changing. I'll then be able to start using categories and the hope behind that will be to let friends have sub areas on my board.

Actually you all might see a change in the board back to pure phpBB rather then using this nuke site so that when the new phpBB comes out, wham, we're right in, rather then waiting for a release of nuke. I will be pushing it back into a portal mode once the actually phpBB portal is released. Using it as a base I'll try to code my own modules for stuff we might like.

Any who, enough babbling. I'll have a funny / sad story posted up soon about my vacation from hell.

Dropping off the face of the world is just what I do best. I've been traveling and working and fucking and smoking and drinking...etc etc.

From what I can see I've only missed 1 compitition? I don't know, most of your posts are too long for me to actually read.

Pimp my ride-
I would do nothing to your car. Why? Because your a chick, and honestly, I do not care what a chicks ride looks like. If you and I were going somewhere, you'd be riding shotgun in my beautiful bitch...



(She needs a little makeup, but I just got her Friday)

Points for being a pig- Negitive 30!
Points for having such a man vehicle- Positive 40!

Very nice ride dude. That is a keeper, Just remember however, I can still kick your ass in the GT!!!

Well, its been a while since I've been able to check this post...and it seems like I missed out on a worth while judging competition! If anyone is still interested...my challenge to the guys would be to describe in your own words what it means to be a man. In our society today, that topic seems to be in a constant state of confusion as women place men in a continuing paradox of what we want men to be. We want a man to be strong and protective when it comes to issues of being protected, yet caring and attentive when we need them to listen. We want them to be agressive and steadfeast when it comes to what they believe and how they would act when faced with certian cituations, yet humble and week when they are wrong and they won't admit it. We love it when men are orriginal, yet we criticize all that holds them unique. My question is, what makes a man a man, and how are you that man?

That's a good question, here is my horrible answer. It's hard to define because women don't know what the hell they want. Now hear me out on this one because I just got out of a relationship thingy that turned out not to be a relationship but I thought it was, you dig. No??? That's because women and society in general don't know who the hell they are or what the fuck they want. Women and men say they want this, but they do the exact opposite. It takes a few attempts, even loosing everything you have to say screw it and stop running from yourself.

It's also funny because If I'm an asshole I get the girls, but when I'm honest and caring, want to be around someone and all that other sesitive man shit I get screwed over. I may be bitter right now but I've seen the trend before. It takes a while to break it and that kills me that people can't see it. Regaurdless, I know I was the best thing that ever happened in this girls life because I understood her. I wanted to take care of her, make her smile. Anything she needed I was able to give her, doesn't matter. It wasn't just the big stuff, Even if it was just being someone to hold on to or talk to. I was able to put her first in my mind. I truly cared for her and I still do even though she put me through hell by what happened (long messy story, don't want to tell it right now). So if being a Man means taking care of your Woman or what the hell ever she was I have surpassed my ideas of doing so. Now this doesn't just happen to your freind Gunz, usually I'm very gaurded or I just don't put my all into these things because I do better alone. But these past years I actually showed a sensitive side and I'm making progress on being a decent human being.

The only reason I am a man is because I take care of my family and all that I hold close to me. That's it, no machismo bullshit on how I'm trying to accomplish or how I lived a fast life or how many women adore me, even what I do in my offtime doesn't matter. When it comes down to it a Man handles his business. You wanna be a fuckin loser and let life control you or your actions you're still just a boy. You wanna treat every one you meet with disrespect you're not even a chump. You're less than a sucka if you don't at least try to get what you want out of life in general. Nothing will make those type of guys different from the rest of them. I like to think I'm unique even though I am just a piece of meat.

Overall Gunna, I'm pretty sure that's a +15 or +20....whatever it was Buzzman set the limit to...I agree that it is very hard these days to truly know and identify with what it means to be a man. Not only that, but to become that man as well with all the odds against being yourself in a world that pushes you to be all kinds of different things. Its good to know there are men out there who will stand their ground, even when it seems like they don't have a chance. So Go You!!
p.s. I'm sorry that you seem to be having all kinds of trouble in the romance department. I hope things turn out better for you in the future!