Jokes to add joy to the soul!

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RoRo
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Jokes to add joy to the soul!

Post by RoRo »

There are three nuns and a Mother Superior. The Mother Superior tells the three nuns that before they can receive their Saint name they had one final test. She told them to go commit one sin so that they would not have urges to be bad.
After the three nuns return, the Mother Superior says, "Did you commit your sins?" They all shake their heads yes. The first two nuns are crying, the third is giggling.
The Mother Superior says to the first one, "What sin did you commit child?"
The first nun answers with tears in her eyes. "I was just rotten, I picked flowers from someone's garden."
The Mother Superior says, "Go drink the Holy Water and it will be alright." The third nun is dancing around in laughter.
The Mother Superior asks the second one. Her whole body is shaking and she is crying. "I stole candy from a baby."
The Mother Superior says, "My child, drink the Holy Water and you are forgiven.
The third nun falls on the floor hysterically laughing. The Mother Superior is disgusted and asks, "What are you laughing at?"
The third nun is barely able to answer through her tears of laughter, "I peed in the Holy Water."
"If I had a star for everytime you brightened my day, I'd be holding the galaxy!" -Unknown
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Post by Buzzman25 »

Hee hee hee, I've heard a joke that was pretty similar to this. Basically the same thing but a bit more vulgar. This was still just as good though. :-)
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RoRo
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3 Men into Heaven

Post by RoRo »

Here's another pretty funny joke!

It was getting a little crowded in heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy.

The new law was that, in order to get into heaven, you had to have a real bummer of a day when you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day.

The next day at 12:01, the first person comes to the gates of heaven.

The angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly says to the man,
'Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died.'

'No problem,' the man says. 'I came home to my 25th floor apartment in my lunch hour and caught my wife half-naked and appearing to be having an affair, but her lover was nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife was yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. Just as I was about to give
up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy!

'Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. This ticked me off even more. In a rage, I went back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 storeys and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly.'

The angel sits back and thinks for a moment. Technically, the guy did have a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the angel announces,
'OK sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven,' and lets him in.

A few seconds later the next guy comes up.

'Before I can let you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when you died.'

The man says, 'No problem. But you're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side!

'Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom that broke my fall so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move, and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator of all things off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me, killing me instantly.'

The angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his story.

'I could get used to this new policy,' he thinks to himself. 'Very well,' the angel announces, 'welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven,' and he lets the man enter.

A few seconds later, a third man comes up to the gate. The angel is warming up to his task.
'OK, please tell me what it was like the day you died.'

The man says, 'OK, picture this. I'm naked inside this refrigerator. . .'
"If I had a star for everytime you brightened my day, I'd be holding the galaxy!" -Unknown
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Sisters of Mercy

Post by RoRo »

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It says, 'Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 15 km'.

He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought. Soon, he sees another sign that says, 'Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 8 km' and realizes that these signs are for real. When he drives past a third sign saying, 'Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution Next Right' his curiosity gets the better of him and he pulls into the drive.

On the far side of the parking lot is a sombre stone building with a small sign next to the door saying, 'Sisters of Mercy'.

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, 'What may we do for you, my son?'

He answers, 'I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business.'

'Very well, my son. Please follow me.'

He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, 'Please knock on this door.'

He does as he is told and this door is answered by another nun in a long habit and holding a tin cup.

This nun instructs, 'Please place $50 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway.'

He gets $50 out of his wallet and places it in the second nun's cup.

He then trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him. As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another small sign.

'Go in Peace. You Have Just Been Screwed by the Sisters of Mercy.'
"If I had a star for everytime you brightened my day, I'd be holding the galaxy!" -Unknown
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Post by Buzzman25 »

Hee hee hee.

Both of those were good, especially the first one, I have never heard that one before.
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Post by MR.STRIKER »

What do you call cheese thats not yours?

Notyourcheese
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Post by BigGunna »

For some reason that was hillarious Striker.

Go here for a quick laugh http://www.knplogic.co.uk/are_u_mad.html
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Post by RoRo »

LOL, that was pretty funny...even though I've heard it before...
"If I had a star for everytime you brightened my day, I'd be holding the galaxy!" -Unknown
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Post by RoRo »

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.

They boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?".

They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did it!"
"If I had a star for everytime you brightened my day, I'd be holding the galaxy!" -Unknown
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Post by BigGunna »

Image

Hey I can see his Nuts!!!!
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Post by BigGunna »

How to rob a snowman...

Image
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Post by Jolt_Commander »

Lmao, great jokes. I love the new admittance policy one.
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Post by RoRo »

LOL Bigguna....that snowman joke was pretty funny!
"If I had a star for everytime you brightened my day, I'd be holding the galaxy!" -Unknown
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Post by BigGunna »

Image*insert dirty joke here*
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Post by RoRo »

*rolls eyes* you WERE on a roll with the funny jokes...
"If I had a star for everytime you brightened my day, I'd be holding the galaxy!" -Unknown
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